It Was So Subtle..

It was so subtle that it felt like the fluttering wings of a tiny bird. But all of a sudden it made me cry and a row of tender tears rolled down my cheeks and landed on my chest. There, my awakened heart was letting me know of its sweet presence..

First, it did so with the fluttering and, a bare minute later, when I consciously listened to it, with an opening-up that felt partly like a wound and partly like a blossoming. With pain and joy combined like the most exquisite cocktail, inviting me to enter a room that had been closed to outsiders for a long time.

Am I an outsider to myself?

The memories that were coming to me were about my mother, and the fragility I perceived in her during the days before her death.  Maybe this is the kind of grief that is never-ending and sadness needs to pour out from my chest once in a while. And joy too. The joy of feeling her close to me again, just like during the years of her physical presence in my life.

How expansive and tender and open I felt after releasing and embracing all these emotional tides…Why is it so hard to give our hearts a chance to truly be felt? How can we create the conditions for our hearts to finally, truly talk to us?

It’s easier to listen to the loud voice of passion, or the pull of a deep longing or the thunder of rage, but it requires a quiet and loving space to tune into the subtlety of a delicate bird: “I am here, I am your precious child, hold me in your loving arms”

“As long as we are determined

to move at our swift, logical pace,

our child remains hidden.

The soul/bird put away

in a dark box in childhood

needs time, needs silence

to learn to trust again.”

                        Marion Woodman

What emotion needs your embrace right now, in order for you to feel at home in your heart?